My Graphic Novel is (mostly!) Out!

Last fall, I was commissioned by Petersen Games to write a graphic novel adaptation of their upcoming board game Planet Apocalypse. The game itself is designed by Sandy Petersen, who you might know from the original DOOM computer game from the 90s. This new board game shares similar DNA, with a storyline about a demonic invasion of earth, and the hapless human defenders who must save the remnants of humanity. There’s lots of blood and gore, and if you liked the old DOOM game you might appreciate this one, too.

That being said, I went into this project with my anxiety riding high, because I’d never written a comic before. How do you do it? Every industry has their best practices, and I had no idea what they were for comics.

Fortunately, there was help out there. My good friend Chris Helton who runs the Dorkland blog knows a metric buttload about comics and pointed me in the right direction. First off the greatest resource was the book Understanding Comics. If you’re remotely interested in the medium, read it. It’s a great look at the history of comics as a medium, and how they work to tell stories.

The main thing I learned in that book was about the pacing of visual stories via the medium of comics. Also fortunately, this confirmed my suspicion that I could fall back on my degree. Years ago, back in the dim dark period before the rise of the internet, when modems screamed like banshees (c. 1989) I went to SF State (go ‘Gators!) and got a degree in film production, with an emphasis on screenwriting and directing. One of my Directing professors had said something that stuck with me over the years: “if you really want to understand storyboarding, read comics.”

And this was absolutely true. As I was writing the comic, I realized it was sort of a combination of writing a screenplay and blocking one out as a director/cinematographer would do. Framing, pacing, all that just clicked into place as I started writing.

The process was really interesting. I was writing the book a chapter at a time (roughly 24 pages) and handing them off to the artist. By the time I was deep into the next chapter, I was starting to see sketches come back of what my script was directing him to draw. And when those pages then got inked, and the colorist took over with her magic, the whole thing just started to blow me away.

Well, I think the thing turned out pretty great. It was released just this past weekend at the GenCon convention in Indianapolis. From everything I’ve been led to believe, it should be available to purchase via Amazon and all the usual suspects in the near future. I’ll be sure to let everyone know when it’s available.

Hope you like it!

Horror fans are the best fans

Last weekend was the first big in-person promotion for Tales for the Camp Fire. Spent the weekend with the rest of the local HWA crew at the Bay Area Book Festival, where we sold out of the book on the first day, and sold a ton more on the second.

Every time we sold a copy of the book, it was a jovial madhouse, as everyone at the booth grabbed pens to sign them. Not often you can buy an anthology and get almost a dozen of the authors to sign the book right in front of you. Sort of the literary equivalent of getting a pizza hot out of the oven, I suppose.

I was really happy to see how excited people were about the book. The idea really resonated with so many folks; I lost track of how many people we talked to that said that they or someone close to them had been directly affected by the fire.  I don’t know what the word is that means both proud and humbled, but that’s how I spent the weekend.

I'm really proud of the effort we put into it, and the local horror community for pulling together to make this project happen. Kudos to Loren Rhoads, E.M. Markoff, and L.s. Johnson for all their work putting the book together, and to all of the other contributors for donating their time and talent to the project.

We even got a nice shoutout in a paper close to the area affected by the fire.

I've known this for years, but horror fans are the best, with the biggest hearts, and this weekend really proved it.

We’ve other signings and author events lined up over the next few months. Most in the SF Bay Area, so not accessible to everyone, but join our Facebook Page for info.

Scary Stories for a Good Cause

It’s been write-write-write for me for a few months now. Sadly neglected updating my blog here, but here’s something to explain why.

For the past four months, I’ve been working with other members of the local chapter of the HWA to produce a charity anthology benefitting victims of the 2018 Camp Fire. Those of you from the area remember the uncertainty, the anxiety surrounding the fire. I live nearly 200 miles away from the center of it, and we were told to remain indoors for a full week because of how bad the air quality had become.

So when we were at our monthly HWA meeting, we decided to put together a book to raise money for victims of the fire. It’s been an amazing process seeing this book coming together. The book was skillfully edited by Stoker-nominee Loren Rhoads, and features 24 amazing horror stories in it, all written by local, Northern Californian authors. It’s got reprints of classic stories by local authors, and a handful of new ones written just for this book (including a new one by me, the Quarry.

Folks, if you like good short horror stories, and feel like throwing some dough at a worthy cause, you need to check out this book. It’s available for preorder now, with a release date of May 2. 100% of the profits from this project are going to be donated to the North Valley Community Foundation for their work with wildfire relief.

Get it. You won’t be disappointed.

Tales for the Camp Fire

(Oh, and regarding other writing, I’ve knocked out a couple new short stories in the same time. Started sending one of them around to see if anyone’s interested in it; fingers crossed!)

Dig me, I'm a "Horror Expert"

Just before the holidays, I was asked to contribute a short article on “Great Horror Movie Performances Nobody Ever Talks About” (short being, 200 words or less). I jumped at the chance to do this, because I love talking about anything related to horror, especially if it means I get to point people towards a movie they might not otherwise bother to watch.

Now, I admit in addition to loving pointing people to movies or books they might not bother with otherwise, it’s sort of in my nature to rock the boat in strange ways. So initially, I thought, “You know what would be funny? I should talk about ‘Blacula’.” Because it’s kind of really an interesting movie, if watched with the perspective of the time it was made, and what else was going on in the world then.

And then I watched the movie again for the first time in a few years. And then I remembered that damn if William Marshall wasn’t a great actor, and even if the whole movie was pretty cheesy, he still brought his A-Game. Funny thing too, as I’ll still always think of Marshall as the “King of Cartoons” in “Pee Wee’s Playhouse.” Funny old world.

So in the end, it wasn’t hard at all for me to write the piece. I just wrote about how awesome Marshall was even if the rest of the movie was a great big ball of cheese. As of this writing, it’s a free watch on Amazon Prime. Give it a shot if you’re so inclined.

This guy read everything by Stephen King. You won’t believe what happened next!

Sometimes, I come up with strange ideas.

Case in point: two years ago 2016 was drawing to a close. My “to be read pile” was woefully empty, and I was thinking about what I wanted to read next. My wife and daughter were reading “Little Women” together, and that got me thinking that I’d surprisingly never read “the Shining” before. (Yes, I was a fan of “Friends” back in the 90s, I’m not ashamed to admit it.) We were also getting ready to take a trip up to Lake Tahoe in a couple of days, to let the kids play in the snow. And then I figured, well what the heck. What better book to take along with me for a few days in a cabin in the snow with my family than “the Shining”?

I took a quick trip out to my friendly local book store, and was able to score a copy of the book with no effort at all. And while I was there, I started looking over all the other Stephen King books, because why not? As I was looking, I realized that while I’d never considered myself a “fan” of King, I’d read a ton of his books over the years. I think the first books of his I’d read were Pet Sematary, Cujo, and Christine, back in the mid-80s when I was in High School. The Stand and Cell I read in the early 2000s. And after getting laid off from a shitty job about ten years ago, I read the entire Dark Tower series back-to-back.

It suddenly occurred to me that while I didn’t consider myself a “fan,” I’d read more words written by Stephen King than any of my other favorite authors. So I had an idea. “What if,” I said to myself, “I read all of King’s stuff?”

I mean, why not, right? I’m constantly reading. I never go anywhere without a book. I knew that the next couple of years, I’d be reading books back to back anyway. So why not all the Stephen King books?

Why not indeed?

So I came up with a plan. The plan was fairly simple, and easy to sort out thanks to the miracle of Wikipedia, and a few other resources. To be able to actually do this, however, I had to restrict myself a little bit.

1. Read everything by Stephen King, in order of publication.

2. Skip any books which I’d read in the past ten years (because I’d just read “It", “the Stand,” and the entire “Dark Tower” series in recent memory

3. Only read the books currently available in paperback. I don’t remember why I made this one of the restrictions, but I love paperback books, they just feel comfortable to me.

And that’s what I did. I started with “Carrie” in the few days before the snow trip, and then was on to “the Shining”. “The Dead Zone” followed, and then “Cujo”. As mentioned above, I’d read “Cujo” back around the time it was originally released. But hadn’t read the “Dead Zone” ever, and was amused to note the threads from one book to the other.

One after the other, only skipping a very few books, I read the entire King Ouvre. It all took just over two years to complete, quite literally ending last night when I read his collaboration with Richard Chizmar in “Gwendy’s Button Box” (a marvelous book, with echoes of the best of the fairytale type stories of Bradbury and Matheson).

The books were great, pretty much across the board. Great mix of novels, short stories, novellas. Anything you can imagine a book could be, King can write it. Some of the stories were gory, in your face horror. Some of the best were reflections on life and loss (I’m looking at you, “Insomnia”).

And in a stunning moment of synchronicity, I plowed through his book “On Writing” just at the exact moment I needed to read those words. A copywriting contract I’d had the year before had blossomed into a request to write a horror novel and a graphic novel for that same company. I was wrapped up with anxiety, worried if I could do the work. And King’s “On Writing” gave me the encouragement to take the bull by the horns and bring that book to life.

In the time of this project, I’ve become not just a casual reader of King, but a fan, and even something of an evangelist of his work. I’ve bent the ears of friends as I read through the books, finding connections, or coming up with theories and questions. (E.G.: I’m pretty much convinced that the Shop from “Firestarter” is working to create kids with psychic ability and train them to become Breakers for Randall Flagg.)

The project ended last night, though he’s published another couple of books already. “The Outsider” and “Elevation” are on my list and I’ll be giving them an enthusiastic read as soon as they’re out in paperback.

So, as I said up above, sometimes I come up with strange ideas. This epic read-through was one of my better ones. I learned a ton about the craft of writing, and was enthusiastically entertained throughout. And honestly, there are a number of books I read through this project that I’m already looking forward to reading again sometime.

Trying Something New, and Discovering Something About Myself

Years ago, I decided I didn't like Manga comics. So long ago, that I don't even remember why. I joked with my kids about "those weirdo backwards books," that are done right to left, instead of the western way of left to right.

After recently reading Scott McCloud’s "Understanding Comics," and getting really interested in his thoughts on Manga, I decided to give them another shot.

I'd heard good things about the horror Manga of Junji Ito, so decided to start there. And this is some seriously good, weird stuff.

But, what I discovered in reading his "Tomie" was interesting. For those who don't know, my left eye does not turn all the way left. It never has; birth defect. So, go figure, reading books from right to left is pretty much a PITA for me. It quite literally gives me headaches, makes my eyes tired, and kind of stinks.

All these years, I had myself convinced that Manga was “lame,” when really, it was a physical problem that probably affected me the first time I tried reading them, and I just didn’t get it then.

I'm enjoying reading the book, but I have to take a lot more and more frequent breaks doing so than with regular western "left to right" books.

So just a thing to think about. What makes you uncomfortable, whether on an emotional, or physical level? And if you think about it a bit, why?

Try something new. You might be surprised.

My Novel Is Out!

Hey! My novel In the Belly of the Beast is live as an ebook on Amazon. It'll be free for everyone on September 27th, but it's also free now as part of the Kindle Unlimited program. If you don't want to wait until the 27th, or don't have KU, it's $4.99 for now, but I’ve been told the price might go up to $7 or so in a month or two. They're putting final touches to the print edition now, so that will hopefully be available shortly.

And if you like the book, please help spread the word by leaving a good review on Amazon. They really do help. And tell all your friends! (And if you hate the book, tell all your enemies!).

In the Belly of the Beast is inspired by the works of H. P. Lovecraft and the epic tabletop game Cthulhu Wars, published by Petersen Games. It is a post-apocalyptic tale of humans fighting to survive in a world ravaged by malign alien gods and monsters

The novel tells the story of a small group of human survivors trying to find a safe haven amidst the ruins of civilization. While traveling through a treacherous mountain pass, they find themselves caught between rival cults, and discover there are worse things in the cold places of the world than frostbite.

So, I'm a novelist now?

The cosmic horror novel I worked on earlier this year is poised for release. It's really sort of a surreal feeling. When I started the project, I was admittedly terrified. I'd never written any fiction longer than a short story here or there. But when I started on it, the project just flowed. The writing was smooth and fun, and I learned a heck of a lot about the process of writing fiction while doing it.

The publisher (Petersen Games) has started advertising the book, with an eye toward an ebook release via Amazon late in September. I'm of the understanding that a print edition will follow after that.

What's funny, is though I've written and published half a dozen game books, a few short stories, won awards for copywriting, and done lots of corporate/technical writing stuff over the past 30 years, my first long-form fiction release has me more excited than anything else I've ever worked on.

What's next for me? Well, I'm writing a script for a graphic novel for Petersen Games' "Planet Apocalypse" boardgame IP. And I'll be working on another novel, and another graphic novel for them after that. And I'm about 10k words into another novel that I've been working on for myself. Something to chill the bones and curdle the blood. A haunted house story, with a Lovecraftian "cosmic horror" twist to it.

I'll leave you with the update from the latest Petersen Games newsletter:

In the Belly of the Beast is inspired by the works of H. P. Lovecraft and the epic tabletop game Cthulhu Wars, published by Petersen Games.
 
The novel, In the Belly of the Beast, tells the story of a small group of human survivors trying to find a safe haven amidst the ruins of civilization. While traveling through a treacherous mountain pass, they find themselves caught between rival cults, and discover there are worse things in the cold places of the world than frostbite.

We plan on launching our first novel as an e-book on Amazon, and we'll be giving everyone a 2-day opportunity to download it for FREE! What's in it for us? We want you to help us create an Amazon e-book Best Seller! 

Look for more details in the coming weeks!

Writing (Cosmic) Horror Is Fun!

The work for hire novel I started in February is firmly set in a version of the universe created by H.P. Lovecraft and his collaborators and imitators. There's obviously positives and negatives to working within these ideas. Lots of stuff has been written over the years in his Mythos, and I've read plenty of it. Some of it was even pretty good. 

One of the things I'm enjoying in the project is thinking about the notion in Lovecraftian fiction that "seeing a monster drives you crazy". I get the notion of being scared, but not having your mind shattered by seeing something weird. 

Some of it is explainable when you've got something like Cthulhu itself, which is not just a big squiddly godzilla sort of thing, but also described by HPL as this vast battery of alien psychic energy. Contacting Cthulhu's dreams is like trying to fill a milk jug with a gorilla: when Cthulhu twitched in its death-sleep, the emanations of its dreams caused ripples of madness. That's easy enough to work with. There's also the bits where the character discovers some unknown truth about the universe, or themselves, and that never ends well.

Trying to get my head around describing things in a way that explains why contact with the mythos is mind-shattering is a fun challenge. I've often thought of trying to understand the Lovecraftian bent of cosmic horror thusly: You and a friend are standing next to each other, and looking into a tall mirror. Each of you is looking at the same mirror, but you're seeing slightly different reflections, based on the angle you're at. How is it that this single object (the mirror) can reflect infinite possible angles, all at the same time? I'm sure a physicist could explain it in a way that makes sense (and takes the magic out of it). But to my mind, it's something fundamentally confusing and unsettling.

That's (to me) the essence of Lovecraftian cosmic horror. Underlying strangeness, a sudden discovery of a fundamental -wrongness- in our every day perceptions of our place in the cosmos. So, there's all this to think about, which I'm finding to be a really fun challenge. Even though the themes aren't quite so obvious as I'm writing the first draft, I've got tons of notes in my notebook to push more of this stuff into the revision.

So, I'm writing a book...

It's a funny old thing, life. The curveballs, the unexpected, all the little oddities and surprises that somehow add up to the unique story of "you".

Last summer, I was approached by a company I'd done some copywriting for in the past. They've published a few popular boardgames, and wanted to expand the settings into fiction. For them, it's a legal thing. They need to shore up the IP of their settings in as many types of entertainment media as they can. So getting a book written for their most popular game makes business sense.

"Would you be interested in writing a novel based in our game world?" they asked me. I seem to recall thinking about it for all of one second before saying "yes!". After that, there were contracts to sort out, details of the project, all the sorts of behind the scenes stuff that goes on before the actual fun of writing begins. By the end of the negotiation the project had blossomed from a novel for one game to also include scripts for graphic novels of two more upcoming games they're doing. 

In January, I admit I was having a crisis of faith. Faith in my own abilities, faith in myself. I was set to start writing the book in February, and was beginning to freak out. What if I couldn't do it? What if my prose wasn't any good? What if a meteor fell on my head and I died? The oh-so-familiar spiral of anxiety was becoming a whirlwind of self-doubt, and I was close to backing out of the whole thing.

And somewhere in there, I had a moment of clarity. I realized not only what an amazing opportunity this was (I've written short fiction in the past, and have wanted to write a novel for years now), but that folks who'd hired me in the past had enough faith in my ability to trust me with the flagship novel for their setting. 

But the real "kick in the pants" moment for me came when a friend told me flat out "Stop ruminating and just do the work. 'Ruminating' is the essence of privilege." That really slapped me out of my funk.

I got home from that conversation, and just started banging out words. Not even related to the work-for-hire project, just started writing on another novel I'd been mulling over for a while. Within a week or two on that, I had 10k solid words, and the beginning of something good. I've had to put it aside while working on the contract book, but I'll be getting back to it soon.

Which brings me to the contract piece. I've been writing on it regularly and consistently for the last 2+ months. Right now, I'm at about 52k words, and I'm happy with it. It's not polished, and it won't win any awards in its current state. But I'm getting it done. I'm on track to hit my 95k target by the end of May, and then I'll have time to polish it until it gleams.

I'm reminded of the old saw about an artist saying the way to sculpt something is to get a block of marble, and knock off all the stuff that doesn't look like what you're sculpting. But in this case, I feel like I've been at the quarry for the last couple of months trying to get my block of stone out of the ground.

But most importantly to me, is that I'm just doing the work. What Steven Pressfield calls "Butt in chair time" in his book "the War of Art". It's rough work, but I'm loving it. 

The thing I've enjoyed the most so far, though, is those moments where I'm writing and something pops into the story and I have no idea why it's there. But all the writing books say to "trust the process" and "let the story tell itself", and all that. So when something weird pops into my head while I'm writing, I just trust that it's for a reason, and put it in. And then as I keep working suddenly I get a flash of an idea that explains why that thing was important. Sometimes it happens shortly after the initial idea, sometimes it's days or weeks later. But it keeps happening.

All those funny little random pieces that click together, and the puzzle solves itself. And all I have to do is keep putting one word after another until it all comes clear.

Thinking about fandom and canon and nerdrage....

I was woking in the yard today. Trying to get the overgrowth of winter under control, or at least make the yard look a little less like a spider-haunted Mirkwood.

As tends to happen when I'm doing lengthy physical labor (especially labor that I don't want to be doing; I hate yard work) my mind wandered. It tends to begin thinking about things I actually want to be doing, in this case the novel on which I'm working. And I've been mulling over a lot of stuff about story structure, character and setting archetypes, etc. lately. 

This got me thinking about Jung's archetypes, more popularly referenced in Joseph Campbell's work. And then I suddenly remembered a passage I'd read years ago in "Jung on Mythology". 

There's a passage in this book that stuck with me over the years (and forgive my lack of scholarship that I can't recall the exact wording, nor now find the passage in the book). Simply, that humans -need- myths. We crave important stories to help us understand who we are. And Jung went on to say that if a person has no accepted mythology to hang on to, they'll create one of their own.

This popped into my head, and suddenly I had a revelation about why some people get so upset about "canon" in fandom, or new elements that they don't like, or differences in (EG) a film made from a favored book. And many will then fly into tirades about the new or changed elements as if the disruption of their fandom was a personal insult (EG: lots of the reaction to the SW prequels, or the Last Jedi, or the film adaptation of the Dark Tower).

And from this thinking, I inferred that in the modern world, where people have drawn more away from organized religion (anecdotally, especially in sci-fi fandom), there are those who for better or worse, have taken an entertainment property to heart. Embracing it as something of a personal mythology. And of course that means that any change to that mythology will be met by them with resistance, because on some level, they almost feel that their beliefs are being attacked.

It's an interesting thought. I freely admit that I've had my own moments of "toxic fandom" and become angry about things I didn't like in my entertainment. I've also looked on with confusion when confronted with people who hold grudges against creators for spinning tales off in directions they didn't like.

I hope in the future, I can maintain a better awareness of the importance these properties play to their fans. And to have a better understanding of why these fans get so upset when something about their fandom upsets them.

Blogging is hard...

Well, I wrote a really great post about blogfade, and the anxiety produced in the act of writing something and throwing it out into the world for all to see. All of this was my way of working out why I haven't updated this blog since last summer. Thinking through some thinks, as it were.

But then my stupid broadband clogged up while I was saving the draft, and I lost the whole thing.

So, yeah... blogging is hard.

Trying new things... for better or for worse...

This past Monday was the big North American Solar Eclipse that had everyone excited. I was fortunate enough to get to see it in totality, when we took the family on a road trip to Salem, Or. to watch it with some friends.

Amazing spectacle aside, I started thinking a lot about the symbolism of an eclipse. How in ancient times it was a spectacle that created anxiety and terror in people. They sky grew dark, and people didn't know what was going on. The vikings thought that a great wolf was eating the sun, and vomiting it up again. The symbols of death and rebirth are rampant through most cultures. Every myth cycle has some story of a hero who dies, only to return and bring some boon to the world. The cycle of death and rebirth is infinite in it's ability to give us pause for consideration.

With this in mind, the theme of the last few weeks for me has been "death and rebirth". I've been thinking about ways I've been beating my head against a metaphorical wall, and trying to think of new solutions. Sometimes the solution is just simply "Give up; it's not worth the hassle."

I've long dreamed of being a published author, but breaking into the world of publishing seems so incredibly daunting that I've really just dabbled. With that in mind, I began thinking about non-traditional methods of publishing. Notably, that the entire publishing industry is really in a renaissance right now, and the traditional "write a book, get an agent, find a publisher" method just doesn't work any more. Publishers want guaranteed best sellers, known authors, safe bets. 

To this end, I've taken an old short story I wrote, and put it up for sale on the Kindle platform. It's really an experiment to see what the results might be, as well as how the process works.
Of course, I'd love it if tons of people bought it and enjoyed it.

If you like zombie survival horror stories, and have enjoyed any of the RPGs I've written in the past, check it out. If you're a fan of the Cthulhu Wars boardgame, and have read any of the stories I wrote for it (on the backs of the faction cards), you might also enjoy this.

My intention, however, is not to turn this into a sales pitch for my story. But really just me thinking about how sometimes you've got to stop doing what you're doing, in order to find out what you're supposed to be doing. Let an idea die, and see what it comes back as.

Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came...

Art is a funny thing. They say it's never over till it's over, but is it? Leonardo DaVinci once said something to the effect of "No piece of art is ever finished. It's simply abandoned."

I just came back from watching the recent film, "the Dark Tower", with this thought firmly in mind. I wouldn't profess to be a huge frothing fan of the books, but I've read them all and quite enjoyed them. I love westerns as a style, and love seeing the genre mashed up with other, unexpected genres. The Dark Tower series can be thusly described as a "post-apocalyptic science fantasy western". If you wanted to do so.

The film was good. A solid story, good acting, and well-paced. I felt there were a few times that the dialogue felt a little on the nose, but overall I enjoyed it. And I thought Idris Elba was just marvelous as Roland Deschain -- the Last Gunslinger.

I've been following the news about the film for months now. Reading Stephen King's Facebook posts, articles on movie news sites, etc. And there's a lot of fan frustration and upset about many elements of the book. From the get-go, however, King and the production crew have been pretty up front that this movie is supposed to be complementary to the books, not a strict adaptation of them. 

And that's where the wheels in my mind are grinding along. When you create a piece of art, there's a lot of work involved. The artist's emotions range from excitement to introspection, self-doubt, and fear. And then you finally put the work out into the world and hope people will enjoy it. Considering the vast numbers of copies of the books King has sold, I've got to assume people like them. I know I sure did.

But when an artist looks back on the work weeks, months, maybe decades after the fact, inevitably they find flaws. Things they wish they'd done differently, things they didn't know at the time. 

The Dark Tower books were begun when King was in college, and he wrote them sporadically throughout his career. I don't imagine he knew exactly where they were going when he started them. And as he continued writing, elements of the series began to populate his other work. The Dark Tower began to be the through line for his entire career.

I have to wonder if in many ways, the film wasn't his chance to go back and "change a few things". There are nods to other King stories in the film that he hadn't actually written when the Dark Tower series began. The relationship between Roland and Jake feels different. But at it's core, the story is essentially the same: good battles evil, and there are cowboys and monsters.

I don't actually know how much input King had into the script, or storyline. I would imagine he had some, so I like to think he was okay with the way the film was going. So in that sense, I am looking at the film as a companion piece to the books, with him in the role of original author

It's hard to sum up exactly what I felt about the film. But what came to mind was that it felt at once like a sequel, adaptation, and revision of the books. It was an example really of a piece of art that was thought to be abandoned, but then dusted off for one more look. As if with 30 years of hindsight, there was a feeling of "you know what, I've got a few more things to say about this."

Nothing one creates is really ever truly finished. And I guess that's a lesson for creative types. That sometimes you just have to say "this is good enough for now", and let the work stand on it's own.

You can always come back and revisit it later.

It's all about perspective...

Last week was one of shifting thoughts, and unexpected moments that shook me out of patterns and got me thinking in different ways. I was reminded of hearing about how Stephen Spielberg comes up with many of his ideas while driving. Changing his view, looking around, all get him thinking in different ways.

I like to run. Started a few years ago, and now I pound my feet flat on some of the east bay trails pretty regularly. On a good week I can run more than 20 miles on dusty old trails up in Tilden park or around Lake Chabot.

I didn't get much of a chance to run last week, though. I'd been pulling double-dad-duty as my wife was working weird hours, and my kids were home from camp. By Friday night, I was going stir-crazy, and getting a case of "itchy feet". When my wife came home from work, I decided I'd head up to the lake for a run. I got there about an hour before sundown, and figured I'd just do a quick two-miles out, then head back to the car. But sometimes, I get moving, and I just can't stop. I call this "Pulling a Forrest Gump". I.E. "I ran two miles, and then since I was feeling good, and it was a beautiful night, for no particular reason I decided to keep going."

And that's what happened. I was having such a great run, I just kept going. I hit the three mile mark and decided I really had to turn around. The sun was starting to set, and I better get turned around.

And I get about another mile back towards where I started, and suddenly I'm running in the dark. And I mean crazy, no light pollution dark. There're hills all around the lake, so I'm not getting any ambient light from the city. And there's only a sliver of moon that night. And of course, one of the reasons I love this trail is because of all the trees, and how during the day the path is shaded from the sun so I don't get overheated.

I can see maybe about ten feet in front of me, and I'm starting to get nervous. But when I stopped for a moment to think about it, I realized that I've run this trail hundreds of times. I know the twists and turns, the hills and valleys. This is not going to be a problem. I was momentarily concerned because of the rattlesnakes I've seen up at the lake over the past few weeks, but then I remembered that they'd be back in their burrows. It was definitely cooling down, and not their sort of weather.

So I just kept going. Slow and steady, and watching the trail about ten feet in front of me. But I never broke pace, and ran a slow jog the whole way. And what was really neat about this for me, is that I've never run both out and back before. I usually run out to the three mile mark, and then do a combination of run/walk on the way back. But something about the change of scenery, of having to focus on just what was ahead of me, and not look around me changed all that. By the time I got back to my truck, my legs were rubber, I was soaking with sweat, and buzzing on an endorphin high. I can honestly say it was the best run of my life.

Last week, as I was going about my day, checking Facebook like you do, I was confronted with a name and a face I've spent a lot of time putting behind me. A guy who bullied my friends and I mercilessly through Junior High School and High School. He and his cronies seemed to have made it their mission to make our lives unbearable. Seeing him pop up out of the blue after all this time was unsettling. I've spent a lot of time moving on from that time, but his presence brought back a flood of memories.

I reached out to another friend from that time (whom I didn't know well during High School, but we became friends a few years later). And in conversation with her, I found out that this guy came from a family with a history of mental illness, of some unspeakable tragedies and traumas. I spent a long time thinking about that, about how we interacted as teens, and I couldn't help but feel a flood of empathy towards him. Knowing what I was now aware of, I felt all that anger and fear just fade away.

A shift in perspective. Realizing that everyone has a story, and I only knew part of his, the part that directly affected me.

Sometimes, just changing your perspective on a situation can bring about a whole new level of deep understanding. A new way of acting or thinking. If you're stuck in a rut, what can you do to change that? Order a different type of coffee next time? Take a different way home from work? Wear that outfit that you like, but think other people will judge you for?

Shake it up. Try something new.

Books I've written

I got to thinking earlier about some of the work I'd published over the years. Lots of it is out of print, but still available in the Amazon.com catalog. Which got me thinking about all those "Author Pages" different people have. I looked into what was involved in setting one up, and it turns out it's really easy. 

Unfortunately, early in my writing career I was going by a slightly different name. So I'm still trying to get Amazon to pull all the stuff I'd written under that name into the main page. Still, it's really cool how easy the system was. If you've written and published anything that's available on Amazon, you should definitely look into setting up a page. If you need assistance, drop me a line and I can help you get started.

Ben Monroe Author Page on Amazon.com

Something like a website...

This has been a long time coming. I've worked as a writer and publications guy for most of my adult life, but never bothered having a website before. But lately, as my client base has been expanding, and I've been getting work outside of my traditional channels, it's become clear to me that I need to have a place to communicate, and for people to find me.

I'm putting the blog at the front of this page for any number of purposes. I plan to use it to discuss my thoughts on writing, publishing, and communications. I'll be talking about my creative process, how I organize my ideas, and hopefully creating a dialog with anyone who cares to read my musings.

Additionally, I'm a runner, and active in the hobby games industry. So I will inevitably be tossing out thoughts on those sorts of things, too.